It’s insane how this year whirled by, an organized chaos of life and growth…
It was the worst year of my life… No, I can’t say that. Shall I accept good from God and not evil? (Job 2:10.) It was beautiful yet traumatizing. Can I be vulnerable and honest with you? I feel like two years have gone by because of how much happened and how broken it was… how broken I still am. So broken, now becoming whole.
But at the same time… it was the best. I was forced to learn to trust God again, more deeply, when life as I could see it gave me no reason to. I learned what counting blessings really means. I learned how in my weakest, most broken places, God is strongest. I learned how my pain was the results of human fault, both my own and others, and that God wanted goodness for my life. I learned how to live in all seasons. I really experienced for the first time how twisted the world’s perspective on God is. I learned how glorifying God brings the most joy. I learned how by putting trials in my life, God is carrying out a plan better than my own, bringing me to fulfill His ends – and even if I don’t see it now, that end is so much better than my own.
And all I can say is, in both the days with overjoyed smiles and the ones with pain I’ve never known, I have been so blessed.
In the moments where I feel I have nothing, God tunes my senses to the blessings and the everything He’s given – beginning with His sacrifice on the cross. Followed by so much more than I could possibly ask for…
- A kindred spirit in my heartache and healing… I can’t tell you how grateful I am for her beautiful heart.
- Financial stability despite my foolish worries.
- Beyond that – seeing my money multiply when I gave until it hurt.
- A space heater provided, as a free gift, for my room – the coldest in the house… the Lord truly blessed beyond what I simply need.
- A group of young sisters to share wisdom with, but also giggles, smiles, hugs, gifts, and ourselves.
And there is so, so much more.
If I listed all the little blessings that He didn’t have to give, there would be thousands.
This New Year’s Day? To me, this year, it’s not an end or a start. It’s a continuing. A continuing of God’s story in my life of learning.
And truly? I’ve found a place of peace. Amidst the chaos of each day, within the battles I struggle, it’s there. Some may say it’s bittersweet, but I say no, it’s oh-so-sweet – a place where I live here and wish to work eagerly to further His glory and glorious kingdom, yet am eager and willing to depart to my longed-for home at any moment, a moment I will welcome with open arms. This place… which Paul describes so beautifully…
“…it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me… My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.”
Philippians 1:20-22a, 23b
One last note. As far as resolutions go, I have none. As said before, I see this as a continuing. And as a flawed human, promises to myself, relying on myself to upkeep them, are guaranteed failure. But I do resolve this, and I’m grateful to Gary Thomas for sharing on Twitter:
“I resolve to accept each situation of this year as God’s layout for that hour, and never to lament that it is a very commonplace or disappointing task. One can pour something divine into every situation.”
For me, no resolutions – except to be moment-by-moment resolute to accept and pursue His will. And by doing so, making moments fully divine.
Have a wonderful, blessed, full year.