After you’ve watched the video above, click the soundbite below and let the music play while you read…
My heart has been doing everything this past week from screaming to begging, weeping to keeping silent. Besides “Why?”, I’ve been more frequently finding myself asking, “Haven’t I been through enough?”
I faced horrible criticism and verbal abuse during a tender part of my life when I was still figuring out who I was. I was led to believe I was worthless and unloved. I was pulled through by Christ and came out an older, wiser soul. I gained compassion as I had never had before, despite the damage that had been done. I became more cynical and pessimistic and I was not a trusting person. But I learned about love. I learned about forgiveness. I learned about my Savior’s love and how much I needed it.
I was given a joy a few years after that, and it was such a huge blessing. I was encouraged, and besides hearing God’s promises in His word, I was told personally how much worth I had and how beautiful and loved I was. I was convinced that I would have this source of joy forever.
But recently the joy was taken from me. A hole was left. I spent hours crying and just sitting silently in shock. Yes, I learned that I had put this joy before God sometimes, but I still didn’t understand why it had to leave. I credited God for the blessing. I worked hard to keep my relationship with God first.
When it was taken from me, I had to think again about where I stood with God. I was forced to search for His fulfillment. But all I could say was, “I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I’m too weak. Life just won’t let up…”
I was so hurt.
What had I done wrong? What happened that I needed to endure another time where I had to be completely torn apart and left with what felt like nothing? I didn’t know. I may never fully know.
I would say my own words, but these lyrics are exactly what I would say anyway to describe what I was and still am going through.
My prayers are wearing thin.
Even before the day begins.
I’ve lost my will to fight.
So Heaven come and flood my eyes…
The response came through that has come to me many, many times before. I’m here. And I’m all you need, my love.
Friend, I thought I wouldn’t heal for a long, long time. But I’m being lifted and healed faster than I could have hoped, by God’s grace.
God’s incredible grace.
His grace is showing me my worth and how much life and love I truly deserve.
His grace is giving me humility to confess where I have fallen terribly short.
His grace is giving me love that allowed me to forgive.
His grace is letting me stand strong and, despite my nature of negativity, see positivity and have hope.
Grace was a word that I heard everywhere in many circumstances, and so I did not quite understand its meaning. But I think for the first time ever, I am truly understanding what grace means.
This is not the end.
Child of God, do you know how much He loves you? I don’t think anyone can understand, but in the valleys, in the times where you feel that you are in pieces and walking through the day as a ghost, in the mornings where you feel too worn to get up, that is when you can see God with His open arms most clearly. Because everything else that distracts you is gone. Because your need is greater than ever.
“Draw near to God… and He will draw near to you.” He has already pursued you by coming to earth and giving His life. He is pursuing you with a love greater than anyone can know by walking with you through life. And He has the strength for you when you couldn’t possibly have it yourself. You were never meant to have that strength.
Let Him hold you and give you that strength.
I don’t know whether you can relate to this or not, but let me tell you what I have been taught… and retaught.
I have infinite value because of God’s amazing love. I can survive any trial and come out stronger because of God’s limitless strength. I am an individual made in God’s image, and this doesn’t just mean how I look outwardly. I have individual interests, passions, and talents that have purpose for God’s beautiful glory. I can have peace and a forgiving heart, I can love with an unconditional love because of God’s incredible grace.
Each word above? They are true for you.
Accept God’s beautiful and infinite love, child.
His grace is incredible.