Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Know that God loves you. First and foremost, know He loves you.

I’m very close to “adulthood,” but I am not old. I don’t know if I can say I’m wise, but I want to tell you some things I wish I had someone tell me a few years ago. You may know these things, but I know that sometimes it’s easy to doubt and reassurance is needed. I want you to know what God has shown me through His love and faithfulness. If anything, listen to this because of my closeness of age to you.

You will face many hard things. Your heart will be broken and you will need strength and reassurance that you’re worth anything at all. No matter how “beautiful” by the world’s standards you are, no matter how sweet a personality you have, some trials in life are unavoidable. I wish I could protect you. I may not even know you, but I wish I had time to show you the love that you need and talk to you when you need it most. If I had one chance to tell you something, here is what I would say.

Before anyone tells you otherwise, you have so much worth. It took me so long to fully believe this truth. Before anyone tells you otherwise, you are beautiful. I’m still learning to believe this. The world’s standards of beauty aren’t beautiful at all. It’s an impossible fantasy to reach, and it’s not meant to be reached. The world took God’s view of beauty and threw it out, developing its own. You are “the standard” as you are. Each person looks different, but you are God’s work of art. Your eyes, your smile, your body, everything – it’s all an expression of His love and His power to create individual beauty. God made you with love and a purpose. You have immeasurable worth. That’s no exaggeration.

Because you have worth, recognize that worth. Don’t take it lightly. Specifically, don’t give yourself away. It’s hard to guard your heart, especially with the desire to be loved unconditionally by a man and have the romance that is impressed on you from books, movies, and music since a young age. Never forget that God has a plan for you. You don’t need to search for the guy of your dreams. You don’t have to make yourself look perfect. You don’t have to dress or do makeup in a way that sells yourself visually. To be frank, you get what you pay for. If you pay for a guy by your looks and your clothing and how much you show, you won’t get a guy that values your character, wants to know you for who you are and accept you, and truly wants what’s best for you. Most importantly, you won’t find someone who loves God and is solid in his faith. Not only should you have modesty in dress, but in behavior. Flirting, touching, teasing – giving yourself away isn’t just done visually. Such rash actions open another door in the lustful imagination of a guy. And the damage isn’t just done there. Too often, I see girls flaunting and flirting, unknowingly creating future shame and losing respect. When you do meet the one you are meant to be with (if that is indeed God’s calling for you), and you truly love him, you will feel guilt for giving yourself to others before him, because you have found the one all that was meant for after marriage. Whether through an official relationship, committing your heart to hopes of love in a crush, revealing dress, or “harmless flirting,” baggage is created, guilt is put upon your heart, and although you may not see it, your capacity for love and ability to love with full intimacy is decreased.

Dear Girl, God can fulfill all of your needs – that means the needs for intimate love, too. Before you enter any relationship with a guy on earth, enter the one with God. Because, even when you do find “the one,” he will not be able to fulfill all your needs. Only God can. Take time to discover that before you commit to any man. Take time to become His daughter and lover, to let Him refine you and make you a Christian woman that can live single and content with God alone as her satisfaction. A favorite and very true quote by Maya Angelou says, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” Believe me, if you are searching and focusing your heart on any guy that strikes your fancy, you are not ready for a relationship. When you don’t need a relationship, God, if His plan for you is marriage, will bring you the perfect young man in His own perfect timing.

Don’t ever believe it’s the end. Don’t scar yourself physically or mentally because life seems hopeless. Please, if you think life is meaningless and believe you’re worthless, seek God and open up to strong women of God who can help you. I didn’t let others know my pain when I was going through it, and I’m sure if I had, healing would have taken so much less time and the scars would not have been so deep. You are not alone. You don’t have to be.

Don’t give up hope of a life that is joyful and full. No matter what comes your way, I promise you that when you rely on God, life will be beautiful. There will still be hard times. There will still be reasons to cry, feel depressed, and long for better days. But the difference between those times with God and those times without God is this: when you have God, those hard times always have a hope that you can rely on. You come back without hatred for those times and so much more strength and gratitude for life. You even find value in and are thankful for the pain you went through.

Dear girl, there is so much that is coming your way. There is so much you may be going through right now.

The greatest advice I can give is this. Never forget God loves you. You may not be a Christian, but it is still true.

God loves you.

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