Christmas Night

So, it’s Christmas night. The day has passed, the carols have been sung, the hugs goodbye have been given, and the unwrapped presents sit scattered around the floor, their shiny wrappings thrown away. And perhaps we feel unwrapped – exposed, vulnerable, no longer able to hide behind golden angels and decorative bows. Perhaps we are strained, restless, and feel like we’ve handled too much.

The thing is, Christmas and the New Year are hard for some of us. More energy is put into feigning a smile than finding the source for one, because how can we possibly find a time quiet enough, slow enough, to fill ourselves with the best joy there is? It’s all haste, the holidays, and so we are exhausted from pulling from our limited supplies, because the endless supply feels out of reach.

And here’s the truth you need to hear.

It’s okay.

It’s okay because pain is real. The memories happened. The world is still broken. The promise hasn’t changed: “In this world you will have trouble.”

But neither has this: “I have overcome the world.”

This quiet night over 2000 years ago, an eternal, omnipotent, omnipresent God came down as a temporal, humble, tiny baby, so He could come close to you and say…

“Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭31‬ ESV)
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬ ESV)
“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” (‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭11‬ ESV)

You are of infinite value. You have a place to find rest. You have His joy available to you.

So don’t worry about putting up a front. Don’t look at this day and see what you’re “supposed” to be or feel. Come to the King, loved one. Cry to the Savior who cried on Christmas night. Because He knows the cold, and He knows your pain. And He knows He can give you the joy you seek.

You need only rest this silent night.

I’m Coming Back!

It has been quite a while since I’ve posted anything to my blog! I’ve been approaching graduation, and so these last few months have been extremely hectic. And sometimes it isn’t even that I don’t have time – it’s that when I do, I’m so exhausted that about the only thing I can do is lay on my bed! However, there have been so many things I’ve been longing to write about, and in a couple weeks, I plan to pick up blogging again.
To start, I have plans to have a post on Mothers’ Day, called “Why I Still Babysit”. After that, Lord willing, I plan to write about Christian radio, the pure gospel, some more posts on trials, and perhaps even some open letter type posts.
I am so excited to get back to writing. I’ve really missed it. I hope it encourages you as much as it encourages me!
May God bless you all this week! He is always good.

I love him… And at heart, I didn’t want to.

There’s this guy at my school. He’s very, very openly gay.

And we keep running into each other.

In the cafeteria, in the halls, we pass each other and exchange hellos. I wasn’t hesitant to say hello or anything like that. I decided right away that I would be friendly because he’s a person, too, and from experience, no matter who the person, they deserve and need to be loved.

So I did. Asked about his day, laughed with him at life and I really enjoyed his witty remarks…

Some Songwriting Thoughts

Here’s a half-baked theory about songwriting from a songwriter.

It’s kind of a pity, but it seems that the best songs come out of the most depressing times. And when you’re joyful and in love with God or life or a person, the songs feel cheesy. So I was figuring out why that is and came to this.

I think this is because storms are personal. We have our individual weaknesses and pains, and so our ways of communicating them are unique, too. And that’s why when you hear that song of struggle that you can relate to on another level, it’s like finding gold.

Meanwhile, love is proven to be a universal, not-so-unique feeling. (Seriously, there have been studies done on the feeling of love.) And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually good, because if our feelings of love were as unique as our pain, how could we rejoice in it together as a human race, in romances or friendships? Or as a body of believers? Love is about togetherness.

So why are storms individual? It’d seem that pain should be the most relatable for our own sakes. But I think it’s for the simple reason they’e meant to draw us to God. People can help and relate to a point, but God understands and knows fully. Storms and valleys, then, make us rely solely on God, preventing us from being pridefully self-sufficient. Love binds us together and to God in beautiful joy. The oneness we’re created to have.

Let me know what you think about this and correct me and help me get to a fully-baked answer. I know this probably isn’t a perfect concept and I may be wrong, but that’s just my ponderings tonight. :)

My Alcoholism

This is difficult for me to write.

Almost nightly, I binge. Hours are wasted as I try to forget and cope the way I find easiest. Indulging in my addiction.